Five Reasons Why I Love Sparring for My Mental Health

Anyone who knows me probably knows that I absolutely LOVE sparring. It is actually the first thing that got me hooked on martial arts in the first place. I had done Karate before when I lived in Montreal, but didn’t get far because there was too much stillness in the class - and the stillness was way too loud for me. But the first class I attended in Prince George was a Taekwon-Do black belt sparring night - sounds intimidating, I know, but it was exactly what I needed (shoutout to Mr. Jordan Boudreau at Family Taekwon-Do for the opportunity!).

Me and Mr. Boudreau - thank you for everything!!!

I know I may be in the minority with my love of sparring. I have heard many reasons why people are reluctant to try it: “I’m afraid,” “I don’t want to get hurt,” “I don’t want to hurt people,” “I don’t like violence,” “I’m not good enough to spar.” It makes sense that people are reluctant to try it. People can get hurt, and in certain gym environments when people are consistently outside their window of tolerance, sparring is dangerous. But in the right environment with sparring partners that you trust, it can be so empowering.

Mostly, I hear these things from people who have been socialized to be caretakers, and it makes me sad. Some people just don’t like sparring, and that’s okay - it’s certainly not for everyone - but when the barrier is a society that has not allowed us to experience the power of our own bodies, that makes me sad.

So, I wanted to give my top five reasons why I spar for my mental health. These are my reasons, and they may or may not resonate with you. But I hope they help you start thinking about your own wellness practice.

REASON ONE. To feel powerful in my body.

This one might seem like a no-brainer, but my meaning might be different from what you’re thinking. I don’t spar to feel powerful in a physical sense. I spar to feel powerful in I guess what you could call a spiritual sense. When I spar, I feel connected to my body. I feel fully grounded in it. Sparring was the first time I was really able to feel fully present in my body without having some kind of panic attack or shut down response. Generally, I have lived very numbed out. My body was not a safe place for me to be in. Sparring slowly gave that back to me, slowly allowed me to titrate the experience of being in my body in a positive and powerful way. Rather than feel fear when I was in my body, I was able to feel joy. It felt like coming home.

I am in the blue gear

REASON TWO. To connect with others.

I have always had a hard time connecting with others in unstructured settings. I just don’t understand how to do conversation, how to balance it, how to keep it going, and what is expected of me. I think it is what makes me so comfortable as a therapist; there are rules governing the therapeutic relationship that makes the roles of therapist and client very clear. Sports are another comfortable setting for me. In sporting environments, we are focused on an activity with defined roles and responsibilities. For me, sparring with people is a way to connect with them in a way I find it difficult to if we were just talking. Only recently, with Autism Spectrum Disorder being diagnosed in my family, am I starting to acknowledge and accept the neurodivergent parts of myself, rather than shaming them.

Just after my second kickboxing fight

REASON THREE. To expose myself to being imperfect.

Gradual exposure is a part of the gold standard treatment for anxiety disorders, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Doing a thing we are anxious about shows our brains that the thing actually isn’t dangerous. If we avoid it, we send a signal to our brain that the thing is dangerous. That makes the anxiety worse over time the more you avoid it. Learning to tolerate uncertainty and imperfection has been an important part of my mental health journey, and sparring gives me that in equal measure. When you tap gloves with someone to start sparring, you don’t know what is coming your way. You have to learn to go with the flow and adapt to different people’s styles. You also have to be able to have the confidence to try something (e.g., a combination or a technique) and know that it might not work. Getting dumped on the mats because my kick got caught by my sparring partner is always a humbling experience, but one that I have come to value and celebrate. It reminds me that I don’t have to be perfect. I can try something and know that it won’t always work out, and that’s okay. I learn something from it and try it differently next time. And it still might not work, and that’s okay. It becomes about my growth and my journey, rather than worrying about what others think of me.

REASON FOUR. To have an outlet for intense emotions.

Being a child and youth mental health therapist is heavy. Many folks don’t understand exactly what I do, what I hold space for on a daily basis. The funny thing is, the hard part isn’t even sitting down with struggling youth. It is dealing with broken systems, like a city shattered by an earthquake and pretending that everything is fine. It is my job to help my clients dig themselves out of the rubble, or to hold the shattered pieces from falling on them and crushing them completely. And there are monsters in the shadows, waiting for me to falter.

In sparring, I can channel the energy and tension that comes from working in this environment. I am able to allow my body to fight, to complete the reactions that it feels like it needs to do all day. I can fight those monsters. At the same time, I am able to stay in control and take care of my sparring partner, and know that they will take care of me. I feel contained. I am able to enter a state that allows the emotions to flow rather than build up behind a dam and eventually explode.

REASON FIVE. To play.

I saved this one for last because it is the most important to me. Sparring has helped me to find play again. Play is the language that children use, something that we often lock up tight as an adult. But it is a fundamental part of who we are. When I was 12-years old, I went to Peru with my dad. I met some other children. We could not communicate through spoken language, but that didn’t matter. We spoke through play. Play transcends the socially constructed categories that oppress people; it embodies a letting go of the restraints that society puts on us for “acceptable” behavior; it involves getting in touch with parts of us that we have locked away, parts of us that often need the most love. In sparring, I found play again and I learned how to love and give space for those parts of me. (I credit Riley at Olympus Freerunning who helped me put the words to this, although he probably doesn’t know it. Thanks Riley!)

There you have it. The top five reasons why I spar for my mental health. There are others, but that would make this post way too long and no one has time for that.

If it feels right, I would love to hear from you. Why do you spar? Or, if you haven’t had the chance yet, why do you want to spar? How do you think it might benefit you and your wellness?

Thanks for reading! See you on the mats!

Nicole

To learn more about anxiety and ways to manage it, check out this website: https://www.anxietycanada.com/